Pat #4: Let's Talk About Recs, Baby

Lately I've had this increased need for reassurance. My reference list includes supervisors that gave me a lot of freedom on projects. As a paraprofessional, I value their willingness to let me find my own way. The trouble is, I’m not sure what they think about what I’ve been doing. I keep telling myself, “If something was wrong, they would tell me.” Right?

On the other hand, my internship supervisors really lay on the praise. At first, it kind of freaked me out. I receive tremendous amounts of positive feedback, sometimes just for making a simple spreadsheet. I'm getting spoiled here. It is nice to have someone appreciate you, but it also makes me wonder if I'm doing a good job in my other roles. Being a supervisor myself, I know it is difficult to give constructive criticism. Maybe they have just been holding back.

So who are my positive references? I’ve got a handful of internship supervisors, an employee, a professor, and my assistantship supervisors.

How well can they speak about my abilities and strengths? I’m hoping that each can speak about a different dimension of my professional life. These people have been with me through the ups and downs, whether it be at work, an internship, or a professional organization. They recognize my strengths, but more importantly, they know my weaknesses. They know how to frame my weaknesses in a positive way; they know the steps that I've been taking to better myself personally and professionally.

Do they even know me well enough to take on this responsibility…did I choose the "right" people? All I can do is hope that the answer is “yes.” I can’t think of anyone more qualified to vouch for me. It is gut wrenching to put your future into someone else’s hands. We’ll see what happens when my ears start ringing.

Here I am, clicking “send” on University employment sites, and hesitating each time. I keep analyzing my past performances and behaviors. What do these people really think about me? Last semester I let paranoia get the best of me. I applied for a scholarship, one of my intentions being to learn more about myself. I asked three people for letters of recommendation. Two were absolutely lovely; if I were an emotional person, I could have very easily cried. The other, however, was a template and was clearly written for someone who came before me.

Is this sneaky? Perhaps. But it eased my mind and I found out who appreciates my work. Sometimes when I'm having a really crappy day, I pull out those two letters and read them. It makes me feel like it’s all worth while.