Pat #4: Let's Talk About Recs, Baby

Lately I've had this increased need for reassurance. My reference list includes supervisors that gave me a lot of freedom on projects. As a paraprofessional, I value their willingness to let me find my own way. The trouble is, I’m not sure what they think about what I’ve been doing. I keep telling myself, “If something was wrong, they would tell me.” Right?

On the other hand, my internship supervisors really lay on the praise. At first, it kind of freaked me out. I receive tremendous amounts of positive feedback, sometimes just for making a simple spreadsheet. I'm getting spoiled here. It is nice to have someone appreciate you, but it also makes me wonder if I'm doing a good job in my other roles. Being a supervisor myself, I know it is difficult to give constructive criticism. Maybe they have just been holding back.

So who are my positive references? I’ve got a handful of internship supervisors, an employee, a professor, and my assistantship supervisors.

How well can they speak about my abilities and strengths? I’m hoping that each can speak about a different dimension of my professional life. These people have been with me through the ups and downs, whether it be at work, an internship, or a professional organization. They recognize my strengths, but more importantly, they know my weaknesses. They know how to frame my weaknesses in a positive way; they know the steps that I've been taking to better myself personally and professionally.

Do they even know me well enough to take on this responsibility…did I choose the "right" people? All I can do is hope that the answer is “yes.” I can’t think of anyone more qualified to vouch for me. It is gut wrenching to put your future into someone else’s hands. We’ll see what happens when my ears start ringing.

Here I am, clicking “send” on University employment sites, and hesitating each time. I keep analyzing my past performances and behaviors. What do these people really think about me? Last semester I let paranoia get the best of me. I applied for a scholarship, one of my intentions being to learn more about myself. I asked three people for letters of recommendation. Two were absolutely lovely; if I were an emotional person, I could have very easily cried. The other, however, was a template and was clearly written for someone who came before me.

Is this sneaky? Perhaps. But it eased my mind and I found out who appreciates my work. Sometimes when I'm having a really crappy day, I pull out those two letters and read them. It makes me feel like it’s all worth while.

Pat #2: Taking the Plunge

My need for unnecessary organization is really starting to delay my job search. Lately I've been obsessing over my resume, changing the layout and toying with different quantities of white space. I printed out descriptions for a bagillion jobs...some of which I am actually qualified for.

Now enter more job search O.C.D.

The descriptions are categorized by functional area and are marked with a color-coded "sticky note" system that I don't even understand. Downside? A binder filled with neon pink and orange post-its isn't going to make a search committee say, "She's the one!!!"

Last night I decided it was time to take the plunge. After a few minutes of reading and highlighting posts from HigherEdJobs.com, I found The One. When I was skimming through the qualifications, I felt like I was reading my own resume:

1) Facilitating career-related workshops (check); 2) Planning job fairs & special events (check); 3) experience leading & managing volunteers (check); 4) knowledge of career development theory (check); 5) resume writing (check); 6) supervisory experience (check).

Stellar cover letter and resume submitted to The Institution (check).

It's a weird feeling; kind of like taking a test. A weight is lifted after you're done-- but you are uncertain about when you'll receive feedback. When you find a job that could potentially fit you so well, a potential let down could hurt even more.

But hey, the Millennial in me says, "I'm special. They'd be crazy not to offer me a job."

Pat #1: The one where I tell you that I'm a Fraud...

We have a lot in common, you and me. Sure, chances are we’ve never met. But the truth is, I know you pretty well. You are the graduate student in a Student Affairs program, who will be graduating soon and seeking a professional position. Your cup is overflowing with class work, job responsibilities, internships, and in some cases, finishing a thesis or studying for comprehensive exams. Working with students is your priority and your adrenaline; sleep is a distant memory. You have been paying close attention to hiring freezes that are sweeping universities across the country. You are supposed to be looking for jobs, and you are terrified.

Perhaps you will find comfort when I tell you that I’m scared, too.

You can call me Pat. No, it’s not my real name, but I have been promised anonymity in exchange for sharing my hopes and fears with the rest of the job searchers who are shakin’ in their pumps. Why Pat, you ask? It is the name of the person who gave me my very first job and quite frankly, I am hoping it will give me some good job search juju.

One would think that working in a Career Center would lessen my anxieties, but this little factoid creates another set of problems entirely. There are quite a few things weighing on my job searching mind, here is where I will share them. I’m hoping that my neuroticisms make you feel better about your own. Feel free to share yours with me, but until you feel comfortable enough to do so, here’s a few of mine:

1. I’m a fraud.

I have this relative and he’s that guy. You know him, every family’s got one. The one who tells inappropriate jokes and makes it a goal to humiliate you in public. Last summer he was harassing me about working in the Career Center. “How can you be a career counselor if you’ve never had a job?” As much as I hate to say it, he hit the nail on the head.

Though I’ve had my fair share of experience, I’ve never had a full-time position—you know, the kind that comes with an actual salary and benefits? I spend my days meeting with nervous college students who are about to embark on a job search of their own. I provide them with a bounty of advice, interview tips, resume help, and a confidence in their abilities that I wish I had in my own. I have learned a lot about Career Services through training and independent research and luckily my students and staff find my advice to be helpful.

Sometimes, though, my inexperience makes me feel like I am keeping a “dirty little secret.”

2. I haven’t been unemployed since I was fourteen.

I started working at the age of fifteen and against my parents’ wishes. Employment was something I was always drawn to; perhaps it’s why I ended up working in this functional area.

In May, being jobless is not an option. I have never pictured myself without a job, but lately I’m having visions of my parents removing the treadmill from my old bedroom so I can move back in. This is reason enough to start having panic attacks.

3. Does anyone actually know what I do?

A while back, a colleague was nice enough to write me a letter of recommendation. But something important was missing—what I actually do at work. I know that my job is important… does anyone else?

I never thought I needed the recognition or the pats on the back. Lately, though, I’ve been thinking: Who can vouch for me? Do my professional references actually know what I have accomplished in the past two years? The only thing my resume seems to be lacking is white space—but my job search is lacking a well informed recommender.

Note to self: Have everyone in the office revise my resume (a.k.a. learn more about what I’ve done) this month.

4. I think I’m a terrible interviewee.

I am extremely shy, horrible at making small talk, and I can sell anything except for myself. But at work, I become an actor of sorts; my character is a planner and an extrovert. Just like I tell my students, sometimes you just have to fake it.
I can still remember the day I interviewed for my current position. It was the very first time I wore a business suit, and I felt totally absurd. My resume was average at best. I had 11 other interviews that day, most of which didn’t go very well. Luckily my current supervisors saw something in a nervous, young woman with a lackluster resume.

Looking back, I have to laugh at myself. Some of the things I said, how completely unqualified I was for some of the positions. Some of the questions I was asked (i.e. If you were the cookie monster and the moon was a cookie, would you eat it?) I think I have come a long way—but one little mistake can disqualify someone who is supposed to be an expert on interviewing (see 1. I’m a fraud).

Admittedly, I have learned from my students’ strengths and weaknesses. After helping a couple hundred students prep for their own job interviews, I think I’m ready to show the world what I’ve got.

5. The economy.

How will it affect me? How is it affecting students? How long will it take to find a job? Will I be jobless? Will I ever be able to pay off my student loans?

Stay Tuned.

6. Moving on… again.

As another chapter of my life comes to a close, a new one begins. In a few months, I will finally be done with school. I’ve been a student since the eighties—it is finally time to close the textbooks. With job searching comes research on the cost of living, apartments, and transportation. I can’t believe I will be moving again. I am excited for what this new life has to offer, but I am terrified of the unknown. Learning to exist without the support of a cohort system and similarly aged peers will be different to say the least, but I am ready.

The road ahead is long—I hope you will join me for the ride. What about the job search worries you?